Why These Are Two Different Things

Introduction

Christianity is sometimes portrayed as a religion of unconditional forgiveness. “Didn’t Jesus tell you to forgive your enemies?”

But what if He didn’t?

Or what if He did, but not quite in the way we assume?

Let us examine what the Lord actually commanded.

Terms

Let us start with the obvious. What does “forgiveness” mean in modern language?

Forgiveness is the lifting of a personal grievance and the restoration of a relationship, as far as that is possible. It belongs to the realm of justice, offense, guilt, and reconciliation.

What, then, is “mercy”?

Mercy is the remission of a deserved penalty for wrongdoing, or the granting of an undeserved good; a willingness not to take revenge on the guilty party, to wish them well, and to help them convert and be saved. It takes the order of justice into account, but deliberately chooses to transcend it.

Nuances

In Catholic tradition, the former is called reconciliatio — “reconciliation” — while the latter is venia — “forgiveness” or “pardon.”

As we can see, these are closely related notions. Still, their nuances differ. One can forgive a person without reconciling with them — you refrain from retaliation, but you have no intention of mending the relationship.

CCC §2844 teaches that venia is the foundation and the necessary condition for reconciliatio.

Thus, we encounter a mix-up of terms. What is commonly called “forgiveness” today is what theology calls “reconciliation,” whereas “mercy” is what theology calls “forgiveness.”

This is the source of a number of misunderstandings.

The Gospel

In English translations of Scripture, the word “forgive” is used in both senses — as “restore the bond” and as “remit the deserved penalty.” The Latin text uses the same verb dimittere – “to release.”

Christ says (Luke 17:3-4):

“Take heed to yourselves; if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him; and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

The parallel passage in Matthew 18:21-22 reads:

“Then Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ’I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.’”

Here the forgiveness the Lord speaks of is not unconditional. To receive it, the offender must turn back — that is, apologize and amend their ways, or at least promise to do so.

So, this passage is really about reconciliatio. A relationship is a two-way reality. How can it be healed if the one who broke it has no desire for it? You cannot simply decide to treat someone well again as though nothing happened — human bonds do not work that way.

Christ teaches that if someone apologizes for a wrong, we should not refuse them or harbor resentment. We must be willing to trust them again and truly forgive, even when we know the person has a habit of repeating the offense.

Further

Matthew 5:7 — “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”

Matthew 6:14 — “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you.”

Mark 11:25 — “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against any one; so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

Here the Lord is clearly speaking not of reconciliatio, but of venia — pardon that does not require the offender’s participation. We release them from guilt without necessarily restoring the relationship.

On the Cross

At the defining moment in the history of salvation, the Lord prays for His tormentors: “Father, forgive (dimitte — release) them, for they know not what they do.”

He asks the Father to show them mercy (venia), but does not reconcile with them, since they neither asked for it nor repented.

By contrast, after His Resurrection, Christ gives Peter the opportunity to apologize. And once He has accepted his repentance, He restores him to the apostolic ministry.

This confirms what we have said so far.

An Important Point

The Lord repeatedly tells us exactly why we must grant pardon. This does not even require great love for others — plain self-interest is enough: we show mercy so that mercy will be shown to us later.

When we stand before God’s judgment after death, we should want God to judge us by mercy. And showing mercy ourselves in this life is our chance to secure that.

For if the almighty, all-knowing God were to judge us strictly according to justice, not one of us could be acquitted before Him.

Spiteful Mercy?

This brings us to a well-known, disputed passage, Romans 12:19-20:

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ No, ’if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head.’”

One could read this as a rather strange argument for mercy: do good to your enemy instead of taking revenge, so that God will deal with him even more severely. That yields a paradoxical mix of clemency and vindictiveness.

Many might ask: is that really a worthy motive?

Some commentators have explained this passage quite literally: yes, mercy is the best revenge. If the wrongdoer answers kindness with still more evil, he only deepens his guilt before God.

This isn’t the pinnacle of Christian love, but it is still better than seeking to inflict evil yourself. Even in this reading, the point is not personal vengeance — it is about entrusting judgment to God.

Although the motive may conceal a desire for “burning coals,” the act itself remains one of mercy. And the Lord is able to purify our motives afterward.

More often, though, this is read in a gentler light: by showing undeserved kindness, you may bring your enemy to feel ashamed of his own hatred.

There is a theory that an ancient custom existed in which someone who was truly repentant would carry a pot of burning coals on their head as a sign of deep contrition and humility.

No solid evidence for this practice has been found, but many commentators still accept it as an image of burning shame.

Conclusions

Morally compromised people sometimes conclude that Christians can be mistreated endlessly, since “they’ll put up with anything and forgive you anyway.”

This is only partially true.

We are not obliged to maintain a relationship of trust with someone who has harmed us. The bond is restored only once the offender asks for forgiveness.

When a crime or offense has been committed against us, we have every right to pursue justice through lawful means. There is no sin in doing so.

However, choosing mercy over retribution is indeed a higher path. Even when Christian love for the wrongdoer is lacking, we still have three reasons to follow it.

First, out of self-interest — storing up mercy for ourselves for the Day of Judgment. This motive is pragmatic, but not “ignoble,” since the Lord Himself articulated and endorsed it.

Second, mercy is a position of strength. We are saying: “I have the power to give you the punishment you deserve. But I choose to hold back my hand and not do it.”

Third, it may be our only chance for true victory: the conversion of a hardened heart. It does not always work, but often there is simply no other way.

May Almighty God have mercy on us, forgive us our sins, and bring us to everlasting life. Amen.